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It attracts and keep friends. Humor is a serious thing. I hate when new parents ask who the baby looks like. And we should call every truth false which was not accompanied by at least one laugh.

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I live a little bit on the seat of my pants, I try to be alert and available for life to happen to me. Kevin Hart Click to tweet. I was pretty religious. Zsa Zsa Gabor Click to tweet. What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife. Only dumb people try to impress smart people. Your life sucks around the phone.

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The most ineffective workers are systematically moved to the place where they can do the least damage. I can do without these people. What you are is a liar food. Everything is changing. If you are lonely, dim all lights and put on a horror movie.

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Description: Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with someone long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land. More short quotes You may also like inspirational quotes motivational quotes love quotes happiness quotes life quotes. Remember, when you are dead, you do not know you are dead. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. Zach Galifianakis Click to tweet. Maybe you should eat some makeup so you can be pretty on the inside too.
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